YEAR OF THE BURGER #series — BELCAMPO MEAT CO.

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BELCAMPO MEAT CO. 317 S Broadway, Los Angeles, CA 90013

It’s been a bit, and my burger rampages through the streets of Los Angeles are getting a little backlogged, as are my arteries. But, shit man, I can’t let a little by-the-book cardiac arrest stop me from eating freely every last burger in this fair city.

Therefore, here’s Year of the Burger stop number four: renowned as much for the quality of their burgers as they are for the quality of the cow they cut those burgers from, raised in futile luxury on a 25,000 acre farm at the base of Mt. Shasta.

The founders of Belcampo Meat Company control every aspect of the mouth-watering supply chain, because, in addition to owning a Northern California franchise, they have three hip counters, restaurants, and/or butcheries at three very hip locations right here in LA — one in Santa Monica, one on West 3rd, and one situated prominently near the middle of Grand Central Market — all provided by the meat that’s cleaved, treated, packed, and shipped from said Belcampo Farm.

Let’s fillet the sirloin on this beast, shall we?

My partner-in-burger, SM, and I visited the location downtown at GCM, so details herein will be germane to that location —

I recommend you hit the Market on a weekday evening, right before closing time. Parking will be easy, the crowds will be light. And, although you might encounter a tweaking blathering transient or two, this burger — or BER-GERZ, asitwere — is well worth it.

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Belcampo’s stainless steel counter snugs comfortably against a far wall, flush against its accompanying glass display case of famed cuts. There’s a small short-order window for their burgers and Bone Marrow Shots, and a series of beer tap handle behind. Then, of course, there’s the menu.

As a side note, the counter is kitty-corner from the fully-stocked bar of Wexler’s Deli, so if an IPA and a Fastburger doesn’t satisfy the gluttonous demon that lives in your belly, you can always pop over for an aperitif.

In the spirit of eating a burger cut from the blade of a legit butchery, I’m gonna make this capsule review as neat and lean and clean as I possibly can so here it is WHATEVER YOU ORDER AT THIS COUNTER; WHATEVER THE NICE LADY BRINGS YOU; WHATEVER WORDS YOU SMASH TOGETHER TO ORDER WHATEVER MEATS FOR THEM TO SMASHED TOGETHER IT’S GONNA BE GOOOOOD AS HELLL.

Not a joke, this was the only stop on the list where we had to order A SECOND ITEM OFF THE BILL OF FARE BURGER BABIES.

First thing, honor the drive-thru culture of LA, and just get Belcampo’s composite of the sum of those parts — the Fastburger. It’s a thin, grass-fed beef patty, American cheese, butter lettuce, tomato, and special ‘sauce.’

SECOND, AND IN THE EVENT THAT YOU WANNA CHUBBY IT UP SOMEWHAT, I, FOR ONE, HIGHLY RECOMMEND A CLASSIC CHEESEBURGER AS WELL, WHICH IS A THIN BEEF PATTY, HEINZ YELLOW MUSTARD, KETCHUP, MINCED ONION, AND PICKLES AND BEFORE YOU START ACCUSING ME OF A BAD FATITUDE, please know that a “classic” style is my preferred style, M’OKAY? —

I’ll discuss it more philosophically when we notch Burgers Never Say Die into our EVER-EXPANDING burger belts.

We chased our burgers down with a side of fries, which were good, but, listen, it ain’t called Belcampo POTATO Company, now, is it?

Because these burgers so hit the spot, we scanned the menu to make sure there was nothing we were missing, and, EUREKA! we found it — The Belcampo Burger —

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This prodigal son is a thick slab of pre-select chuck, sirloin, and brisket, served with white cheddar, cartelized onions, butter lettuce, and the house ‘sauce.’ It’s cooked to perfection, but the recommended dose of sear-age is a tightrope-walking RAREMEDIUM-RARE. 

Now, I am a dude who favor my meat straight WELL-DONE, so nibbling into some rare animal was definitely me stepping out of my comfort zone, but let me tell you IT WAS FUCKING WORTH IT I’D TAKE IT RARE ID TAKE IT BLOODY JUST PUT BESSIE’S FACE ON A BUN AND I WOULD EAT IT.

This burger, HERE, was the goddamn jam.

Next time I ask why my burger’s taking so long, and the cook tells me he just has to go out back and kill the cow, I’ll politely sit back, fold my hands across my lap, and say, “I’ll wait.”


 

 

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